Breaking News: Pear juice helps cure hangovers!

pear juice hangover cure

It’s the morning after a hectic weekend of partying. Are you hungover? According to a recent scientific report, you probably should have eaten a bunch of pears. Well actually you should have drank a shiz load of pear juice. Well that’s what Scientists here in Australia are now saying is the way to avoid a hangover, and lets be honest if there’s one thing us Australians are good at, that’s getting pissed.

Researchers say that the subjects who drank pear juice before consuming alcohol had “significantly reduced” hangover symptoms compared to the control group, of whom were given a placebo drink. Mmmm placebo.

Professor Manny Noakes, who headed the study, claims that pears helps your body both metabolize the alcohol quickly and “inhibit its absorption.” Forgive me if I’m wrong because I’m no scientist, but wouldn’t that mean you would also get less drunk and sober up a lot more quickly? Seriously alcohol is expensive enough these days let alone intently weakening its effect. What are these people thinking?

pear juice hangover cure

However, the research group has emphasised that more study and examination is required. Perhaps this is code for we’ve been approached by some big alcohol company who have kindly offered to fund research in another field such as perhaps the aerodynamics of a slinky going backwards up a flight of stairs.

While we wait for their definitive conclusion on the pear juice hangover cure, here’s a few handy tips I have found helpful in avoiding the dreaded hangover.

1. Don’t drink.

2. If you do decide to drink alcohol. Drink lots water, and apparently now pear juice before you start drinking.

3. Drink plenty of water between alcoholic beverages while you’re getting #whitegirlwasted.

4. The morning after, keep yourself hydrated, drink more water. Then drink some juice and eat a good old bacon & egg breakfast toastie. The latter might not cure you’re hangover but hey at least you’re lining you stomach with something that has some protein, considering you’ve probably spent the morning in a porcelain embrace.

5. Or you could simply keep drinking prolonging the hangover for as long as you can or at least until you’ve reached that point that you absolutely feel nothing and are completely numb to the world.

Now if it turns out that pear juice does absolutely nothing in preventing that cruel hangover, it does at least relieve constipation and helps lower your cholesterol. So that’s gotta be a good thing right?

Have you tried the pear juice hangover cure?

If so leave us your thoughts below.


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Author: Special K

The rants of a somewhat fictional character.

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